The in between world

Sometimes she wonders
if she really is here, or
is it just her imagination
did she die and go to hell.
She's not sure what
is reality any more,
but she knows
she doesn't care any more.

Sometimes the world is
nothing but colours,
blurred like a bad
pastel drawing.
The people around her
does not feel real, but
she should keep it together
that's what they all want.

Letting go and losing it
would be so tempting,
refuse to join in for now.
To sit and stare,
she is in the in between,
in between life and death,
not wanting to do either.

She doesn't see people,
they are becoming a mass,
she thinks she can see,
then it goes away again.
Nothing feels real,
it's all just lies, and dirt,
rejecting the world.

It's the way she keeps
all her demons away from
all those she normally loves.
She hasn't got what it takes
to love right now, she just
takes, and demands.
She wants it all to go away.

Shinemyrtle

Dissappearing

I am shutting down
no business here
don't come around
I won't let you in
Just leave me be
I might be back
but for now
I have nothing
to offer anyone
so just let me be
I should be back
one day
I want to be back
but right now
I am nothing.

Shinemyrtle

My treasures

My dearest most loved babies,
delivered on angels wings.
First one before Yule time,
then the next around midsummer,
and my littlest baby nearly
became all our valentine.

You were all so different,
you were all so beautiful,
now you are growing up
still different and beautiful.
Such wonderful individuals
you make me proud every day.

You provide me with sunshine,
and warmth, by your mere presence.
I can still remember when you
were little and could not even walk.
Now you are all so, so clever,
and good and kind.

I think the Mother Goddess,
must have been in a good mood,
when she sent your souls down to me.
The little souls that would grow and
be the people you are becoming now.
My darling babies, you are so sweet,
and I love you so.

Shinemyrtle

She is home

He has the patience of a saint
when the demons are chasing her
though he can never understand
he is with her all the way
holds her hand through it all
he will never let go, she is safe

When she cries in grief for
something he cannot understand
she holds her to make it better
wipes her tears, hugs her tight
So she understands that
he will never let go, she is home

When she does things
without fear, without thinking
he patiently sits by waiting
knowing she will be back
this is where she gets her strength
he will never let go, she is safe

When the days are too painful
and everything seems hard
he brightens her day, takes away
some of the pain, carry it for her
so she can get through the day
he will never let go, she is home

When joy overtakes her, and
everything is good and sweet,
She holds him, makes him know
that she loves him, loves all
he does, and she is thankful that
he will never let go, she is safe


Shinemyrtle

I smile

I smile, when I think of you waking up
I smile, when I see you fall asleep in my mind
I smile, because you bring that extra bounce in my step
I smile, because you're you

I smile, because you chose me
I smile, because you are wonderful
I smile, when I see you in my mind
I smile, because you're you

I smile, between the times you make me laugh
I smile, when I look forward to talking with you again
I smile, because you bring joy to my life
I smile,because you're you

I smile, though you may not be real
I smile, because I don't care
I smile, because I love you
I smile, because you're you

Shinemyrtle

Invisible cage

This protective shell,
like a glass bubble,
is her invisible cage.
The perfect place
to hide yet be visible,
to the world around.

It protects her and
others from herself.
All her secrets are
free inside the bubble,
but kept safe from the
rest of the world.

The secrets are all
coming back to life,
becoming their own
beings, having their
own lives, breathing,
talking growing.

Trapped by her own
creation, by pride,
and by shame.
She needs to escape
if only to breathe,
to let go for a minute.


Shinemyrtle

Figment

If she knew how this would be,
she would have put her guard up,
now it's too late and he stole her heart.
She thought he was too old,
she thought he looked all wrong,
he was not her kind at all.

Then she saw a part of his soul,
such a beautiful sight it was,
she was blinded to what she had seen,
She wonders how this can be,
he's surely but a figment of imagination,
she still feels this love for him.

Now her equilibrium is disturbed,
the balance she had fought so hard for,
she knows she is falling, and falling hard.
There will be no one to catch her,
she can't tell anyone, it is all so wrong,
Yet she keeps going back for more.

She knows she would leave all behind,
she would follow him if he asked,
but he won't, he is one of the good guys.
So she knows she has to be thankful,
for the moments that they share,
and take the hurt when it comes.

She is a big girl, she thinks she can take it,
she is playing with fire, she knows it burns,
but she cannot stop now, it is too late.
One day the fantasy will be all gone,
and he will leave her out on the edge,
go back to his own reality, his own life.

He is only there for a while, like a dream,
a pleasant dream, she does not want to wake,
every time she does, she feels this sadness.
A deep never ending sadness, too painful,
yet when he calls, she will be there to answer,
again and again, again and again.

Shinemyrtle