The First Time

All that black energy,
running around in circles,
finally getting there.
Since I was ten, I knew,
I knew this was how it would be.
Just not knowing
when or how.
I felt no peace, calm, or fear
just desperation and sadness.
The black clouds gathering,
swallowing me whole.

The humiliation
of the next morning,
not easy to forget.
Waking up in a world
of white and pale green,
knowing I'd failed.
The embarrassment stung,
but I know, next time
will be the last time.

Shinemyrtle