Run rabbit run rabbit run
The fox will hunt you
The man will eat you
and the lady use your fur
for a trim
Run rabbit run rabbit run
hide underground
where you cannot be seen
change your colour to melt
in with the ground
Run rabbit run rabbit run
They won't stop chasing you
There's no safe place
left for you to hide
all you can do is keep running.
Shinemyrtle
Wednesday 5 August 2009
The racing mind
The pen is scratching
making marks on the
clean white paper.
Trying to capture my mind,
but it is racing too fast.
Only snippets can be caught,
and they are slippery,
like water.
Shinemyrtle
making marks on the
clean white paper.
Trying to capture my mind,
but it is racing too fast.
Only snippets can be caught,
and they are slippery,
like water.
Shinemyrtle
Unwanted
She is the child that no one wants
Her insides are cold and she is dead
Seeks the warmth in any being
to feel a little human in her soul
She is torn and she is scarred
from all the battles she has had to fight
Yet she gives it one more try
Hoping this may be the last
Shinemyrtle
Her insides are cold and she is dead
Seeks the warmth in any being
to feel a little human in her soul
She is torn and she is scarred
from all the battles she has had to fight
Yet she gives it one more try
Hoping this may be the last
Shinemyrtle
Friday 17 July 2009
The Void
There is no her
She is no one
just an image
mirroring a reflection
the reflection is not hers
she is borrowing it
she has no reflection
of her own
she is nothing
by herself
she never really loved
and never truly hated
Just imitated,
she only feels that
she should feel something
and a confusion over
the lack of feeling.
Shinemyrtle
She is no one
just an image
mirroring a reflection
the reflection is not hers
she is borrowing it
she has no reflection
of her own
she is nothing
by herself
she never really loved
and never truly hated
Just imitated,
she only feels that
she should feel something
and a confusion over
the lack of feeling.
Shinemyrtle
Complicated
I love you, but I hate you.
You give me freedom,
but you're my prison too.
I try to escape,
but I can't leave.
I'd like to blame you,
for holding me back.
I'd like to blame you,
for devouring my soul.
It would be too unfair,
even for me, you let me
be me, even when I
don't know who me is.
Shinemyrtle
You give me freedom,
but you're my prison too.
I try to escape,
but I can't leave.
I'd like to blame you,
for holding me back.
I'd like to blame you,
for devouring my soul.
It would be too unfair,
even for me, you let me
be me, even when I
don't know who me is.
Shinemyrtle
Thursday 16 July 2009
Conversations
She has another one way
conversation with herself.
Another one, so much better
when the voices
are there to talk to, and
make her laugh.
When they disappear,
sometimes for a long time,
she gets lonely.
She has to contend with
her own conversations.
When ever the voices go,
she prays they will be back soon.
They have become friends to her,
her only friends.
Unreliable though they are,
like the old friends they are,
they are always welcome.
They will never harm her,
she trusts them completely.
Sometimes she wishes
she could run away with
the voices
escape into the world of
the voices
A place she cannot be touched,
where she cannot be hurt.
Longing to let go and
let reality take a break.
She holds on though,
though not quite sure
what for.
Shinemyrtle
conversation with herself.
Another one, so much better
when the voices
are there to talk to, and
make her laugh.
When they disappear,
sometimes for a long time,
she gets lonely.
She has to contend with
her own conversations.
When ever the voices go,
she prays they will be back soon.
They have become friends to her,
her only friends.
Unreliable though they are,
like the old friends they are,
they are always welcome.
They will never harm her,
she trusts them completely.
Sometimes she wishes
she could run away with
the voices
escape into the world of
the voices
A place she cannot be touched,
where she cannot be hurt.
Longing to let go and
let reality take a break.
She holds on though,
though not quite sure
what for.
Shinemyrtle
Come Home
I see you in every face
that I pass, wishing it
truly was you I saw.
Come to find me and
take me away from myself.
I bleed when you are not here,
but hundreds of miles away.
I know I will see you soon,
but soon is not soon enough.
In my world tomorrow
does not exist, and as
long as you are not here,
one day seems as far away
as the one before.
I want you to come home,
come home with me.
Shinemyrtle
that I pass, wishing it
truly was you I saw.
Come to find me and
take me away from myself.
I bleed when you are not here,
but hundreds of miles away.
I know I will see you soon,
but soon is not soon enough.
In my world tomorrow
does not exist, and as
long as you are not here,
one day seems as far away
as the one before.
I want you to come home,
come home with me.
Shinemyrtle
Quietly
If she sits still
No one can see her
No one can hear her
yet she can observe
She knows what is going on
yet strangely not a part of it
She has no voice
not one that will be listened to
So she sits there saying nothing
One day it is all too much
She screams from the pit of her being
Now they see her
as they turn to her
and ask her to not make a fuss
Shinemyrtle
No one can see her
No one can hear her
yet she can observe
She knows what is going on
yet strangely not a part of it
She has no voice
not one that will be listened to
So she sits there saying nothing
One day it is all too much
She screams from the pit of her being
Now they see her
as they turn to her
and ask her to not make a fuss
Shinemyrtle
No Peace
I am sitting at the top of the hill
the world around me
is noisy but empty
I can find no peace here
and I cannot find my place
Shinemyrtle
the world around me
is noisy but empty
I can find no peace here
and I cannot find my place
Shinemyrtle
Hollow
My body is a hollow shell
it is yours for free
I can feel the balmy breeze
on my skin
and see the sun shine
It makes me neither
happy nor sad.
I want someone to fill me up
I would do it myself
if I but knew how.
How can you fill a cup
when all you have is
emptiness.
Shinemyrtle
it is yours for free
I can feel the balmy breeze
on my skin
and see the sun shine
It makes me neither
happy nor sad.
I want someone to fill me up
I would do it myself
if I but knew how.
How can you fill a cup
when all you have is
emptiness.
Shinemyrtle
Thursday 25 June 2009
Bikini in the rain
Self-destructive, crazy bitch,
broke it before it even began.
When the sun shines she puts up
an umbrella, and wears her
bikini in the rain.
She can't be happy, too cynical,
broken, damaged.
It just won't work, best ruin all
that is good before it has a
chance to break her heart again.
Test it again and again,
when it breaks she can go
“I told you so” but it still
won't make her happy.
Shinemyrtle
broke it before it even began.
When the sun shines she puts up
an umbrella, and wears her
bikini in the rain.
She can't be happy, too cynical,
broken, damaged.
It just won't work, best ruin all
that is good before it has a
chance to break her heart again.
Test it again and again,
when it breaks she can go
“I told you so” but it still
won't make her happy.
Shinemyrtle
The River
The river is quiet,
flowing without making
much more than a ripple,
yet strong enough
to kill man and beast.
Such magnificence
hides so much below
the surface, secrets,
of a thousand years
anger and life.
Oh to be embraced by
such raw power,
but what a cold, hard,
and unforgiving lover.
Almost like you,
but softer.
Shinemyrtle
flowing without making
much more than a ripple,
yet strong enough
to kill man and beast.
Such magnificence
hides so much below
the surface, secrets,
of a thousand years
anger and life.
Oh to be embraced by
such raw power,
but what a cold, hard,
and unforgiving lover.
Almost like you,
but softer.
Shinemyrtle
Saturday 23 May 2009
The Lover
The sky is blue,
the sun beating down,
on her hat covered head.
She's wearing her
spotty dress,
feeling the heat
touching her arms.
The grass tickles her toes,
as she walks in her sandals.
She is going to see her
lover.
The only one she's loved,
she is happy, she is smiling.
Singing to herself
as she goes through the grass.
To where he is lying down,
always waiting for her,
where he will always be
waiting for her.
She lies down next to him,
talking, smiling, joking.
She will always love him,
though he will never rise
again, he is still her
source of comfort, and
endless grief.
Shinemyrtle
the sun beating down,
on her hat covered head.
She's wearing her
spotty dress,
feeling the heat
touching her arms.
The grass tickles her toes,
as she walks in her sandals.
She is going to see her
lover.
The only one she's loved,
she is happy, she is smiling.
Singing to herself
as she goes through the grass.
To where he is lying down,
always waiting for her,
where he will always be
waiting for her.
She lies down next to him,
talking, smiling, joking.
She will always love him,
though he will never rise
again, he is still her
source of comfort, and
endless grief.
Shinemyrtle
Tuesday 19 May 2009
My Life
I am taking responsibility
For my own life
I give you responsibility
For your life back to you
Following my own dreams
Taking my own path
I will no longer carry your demons
You try to play games
Mess with my head
This time I will walk away
Leave you standing there
If I fall face down
I will pick myself up
This time I will not wait for you
To get me back on my feet
Shinemyrtle
For my own life
I give you responsibility
For your life back to you
Following my own dreams
Taking my own path
I will no longer carry your demons
You try to play games
Mess with my head
This time I will walk away
Leave you standing there
If I fall face down
I will pick myself up
This time I will not wait for you
To get me back on my feet
Shinemyrtle
Friday 15 May 2009
Summers Past
I can smell the smell
of all my summers past.
Blown by me in a moment,
on the soft wind
caressing my cheek.
The salty taste of the sea,
the soapy safe smell of clean towels.
Cut grass on not so lazy afternoons,
eating berries from the garden.
Reminding me it was not all bad.
Shinemyrtle.
of all my summers past.
Blown by me in a moment,
on the soft wind
caressing my cheek.
The salty taste of the sea,
the soapy safe smell of clean towels.
Cut grass on not so lazy afternoons,
eating berries from the garden.
Reminding me it was not all bad.
Shinemyrtle.
Thursday 14 May 2009
Scared in Love
He has been cut deep before
Does not want to fall in love
Will not take the jump
Risk getting hurt again
She has been hurt before
She willingly falls in love
Willing to take the jump
Risk getting cut again
She wants him badly
Knows she must be patient
Pull down the the wall
Brick by brick by brick
If he sees what she is doing
He may run scared
He may try to stop her
But he can't stop her trying
He keeps his distance
Keeps the wall strong
Not showing his weakness
Not showing his loneliness
If she sees his weakness
She may run scared
She may stop trying
He's not sure if he wants that
They dance around like this
Moving closer then apart
Both scared of frightening
The other one away
Shinemyrtle
Does not want to fall in love
Will not take the jump
Risk getting hurt again
She has been hurt before
She willingly falls in love
Willing to take the jump
Risk getting cut again
She wants him badly
Knows she must be patient
Pull down the the wall
Brick by brick by brick
If he sees what she is doing
He may run scared
He may try to stop her
But he can't stop her trying
He keeps his distance
Keeps the wall strong
Not showing his weakness
Not showing his loneliness
If she sees his weakness
She may run scared
She may stop trying
He's not sure if he wants that
They dance around like this
Moving closer then apart
Both scared of frightening
The other one away
Shinemyrtle
Thursday 30 April 2009
Untitled II
To remember the feeling in my mind
I must stand alone I should
Have known
Recapture is impossible
Love is overrated
and I have found all
the pieces of myself
that I want back
I don't need you to put me
back together again this time
It's time I let go
Love is given and taken
Too easily
I don't want the love that
You give to your dog
If you say I love you
like you say please and thank you
Then do not offer it to me
I will have no part of it
Nothing will be given back
Why should I take you seriously
When you don't even know
What it is you pretend to offer me
I will do my best to crush your girlish
Ideas of love to make you understand.
Shinemyrtle
I must stand alone I should
Have known
Recapture is impossible
Love is overrated
and I have found all
the pieces of myself
that I want back
I don't need you to put me
back together again this time
It's time I let go
Love is given and taken
Too easily
I don't want the love that
You give to your dog
If you say I love you
like you say please and thank you
Then do not offer it to me
I will have no part of it
Nothing will be given back
Why should I take you seriously
When you don't even know
What it is you pretend to offer me
I will do my best to crush your girlish
Ideas of love to make you understand.
Shinemyrtle
Sunday 12 April 2009
Living The Consequences
Did she judge you unfairly,
did she ever make you cry?
Was it too complicated,
is that why you never came?
What would you do different
given a second chance?
She should never have let you go,
but she was too young to know.
It can't be undone now,
the big tangle that is her life.
It will never be the same again,
How she wishes she had
said what was truly on her mind.
In her fear of hurting others,
she hurt herself.
She was too young
to make such a choice.
Though she is the one,
living the consequences.
Shinemyrtle
did she ever make you cry?
Was it too complicated,
is that why you never came?
What would you do different
given a second chance?
She should never have let you go,
but she was too young to know.
It can't be undone now,
the big tangle that is her life.
It will never be the same again,
How she wishes she had
said what was truly on her mind.
In her fear of hurting others,
she hurt herself.
She was too young
to make such a choice.
Though she is the one,
living the consequences.
Shinemyrtle
The First Time II
He was so sweet,
so innocent and serious.
Singing Elvis to me,
precious memory.
The Smiths on the stereo,
singing us through.
The saddest time,
the hardest time,
a time of confusion.
You were there,
my friend,
making me feel safe.
You will always be
special to me.
You took me so gently
in your arms,
no one could have given
a better present.
You made it feel precious,
in the days I still cared.
Shinemyrtle
so innocent and serious.
Singing Elvis to me,
precious memory.
The Smiths on the stereo,
singing us through.
The saddest time,
the hardest time,
a time of confusion.
You were there,
my friend,
making me feel safe.
You will always be
special to me.
You took me so gently
in your arms,
no one could have given
a better present.
You made it feel precious,
in the days I still cared.
Shinemyrtle
Saturday 11 April 2009
The First Time
All that black energy,
running around in circles,
finally getting there.
Since I was ten, I knew,
I knew this was how it would be.
Just not knowing
when or how.
I felt no peace, calm, or fear
just desperation and sadness.
The black clouds gathering,
swallowing me whole.
The humiliation
of the next morning,
not easy to forget.
Waking up in a world
of white and pale green,
knowing I'd failed.
The embarrassment stung,
but I know, next time
will be the last time.
Shinemyrtle
running around in circles,
finally getting there.
Since I was ten, I knew,
I knew this was how it would be.
Just not knowing
when or how.
I felt no peace, calm, or fear
just desperation and sadness.
The black clouds gathering,
swallowing me whole.
The humiliation
of the next morning,
not easy to forget.
Waking up in a world
of white and pale green,
knowing I'd failed.
The embarrassment stung,
but I know, next time
will be the last time.
Shinemyrtle
Friday 27 March 2009
Thursday 19 March 2009
Welcoming the night
I feel a strange peace,
now it's the end
of the day.
Dusk is here, and in
just a little while now,
and I can go to my rest.
There is nothing more
to be done, just a tidy up
then bed.
I shall have a restful sleep,
a glorious sleep,
and I will embrace the night.
When the night comes,
I'll be safe in my
midnight blue cover,
dreaming of good things.
Never shall I freeze again,
and never worry,
no more pain and
no more waking.
Shinemyrtle
now it's the end
of the day.
Dusk is here, and in
just a little while now,
and I can go to my rest.
There is nothing more
to be done, just a tidy up
then bed.
I shall have a restful sleep,
a glorious sleep,
and I will embrace the night.
When the night comes,
I'll be safe in my
midnight blue cover,
dreaming of good things.
Never shall I freeze again,
and never worry,
no more pain and
no more waking.
Shinemyrtle
Friday 13 March 2009
Colours II
There was a picture,
that hung on a wall,
far, far from here.
It lived in an orange house,
and I lived there too.
It's colours were
green and yellow,
a beautiful picture.
It was a yellow horse
in a field.
It would draw me in,
and I would travel,
far, far away past that field.
It could take me
anywhere I wanted.
Wonder if that painting
still lives there.
Shinemyrtle.
that hung on a wall,
far, far from here.
It lived in an orange house,
and I lived there too.
It's colours were
green and yellow,
a beautiful picture.
It was a yellow horse
in a field.
It would draw me in,
and I would travel,
far, far away past that field.
It could take me
anywhere I wanted.
Wonder if that painting
still lives there.
Shinemyrtle.
Colours
I want to finger paint
the world around me.
Put my hands in the
bucket of paint,
and feel its battery
texture on the palms
of my hands.
Before I smear it
on the walls.
With each stroke,
leaving just a little
of me behind.
I want to pour the
colour over my head,
let it envelope
my body.
Using my hands,
covering every inch
of my body,
in the plastic colours,
that are this world.
Shinemyrtle
the world around me.
Put my hands in the
bucket of paint,
and feel its battery
texture on the palms
of my hands.
Before I smear it
on the walls.
With each stroke,
leaving just a little
of me behind.
I want to pour the
colour over my head,
let it envelope
my body.
Using my hands,
covering every inch
of my body,
in the plastic colours,
that are this world.
Shinemyrtle
Thursday 5 March 2009
Just you and me
Let's just me and you
Pack a bag and leave
Leave everything behind
Give me a new chance
Let me have a new life
One where you can be
The big strong one
I'll hold you up while
You protect me
Against the world
Keeping me safe
In a world where
There is only you and me
I'll look after you and
You will protect me
against the world
I would give up every one
And every thing
In my life for this
For an escape
Escape from myself
In to a world with
Just you and me
Pick me up and carry
Me away from this place
We'll be happy
Just you and me
I promise never to
ever hurt you
Let's just go away from here
Go to the cabin in
The middle of nowhere
Just you and me
Shinemyrtle
Pack a bag and leave
Leave everything behind
Give me a new chance
Let me have a new life
One where you can be
The big strong one
I'll hold you up while
You protect me
Against the world
Keeping me safe
In a world where
There is only you and me
I'll look after you and
You will protect me
against the world
I would give up every one
And every thing
In my life for this
For an escape
Escape from myself
In to a world with
Just you and me
Pick me up and carry
Me away from this place
We'll be happy
Just you and me
I promise never to
ever hurt you
Let's just go away from here
Go to the cabin in
The middle of nowhere
Just you and me
Shinemyrtle
Tuesday 3 March 2009
How could you hurt me
How could you hurt me so?
You blew hot and cold,
left me unable to trust me,
and unable to trust another.
It hurt when you went,
and not once did you say
I love you, baby, see you soon.
How could you hurt me so?
You pulled that gun out,
you wanted to kill us all,
and you were so, so drunk.
How can I trust another,
that I won't get hurt again,
that my trust won't be crushed.
How could you hurt me so?
That I had to make up for it
in slowly destroying myself.
I wasn't worth your time,
you laughed at my weaknesses,
but I tried, I really tried,
again and again and again.
How could you hurt me so?
I am still hurting, and trying,
to get your love and attention.
I am a good girl really,
I wish you would see it too.
Instead you turn away, and
pretend you can't see my pain.
How could you hurt me so?
You left me deflated, and
full of hurt and emptiness.
It is so hard to fill the hole
you tore from my body,
when you rejected me again,
and again and again.
How could you hurt me so?
The protector, you were weak,
you did not deserve us.
The confusion you left behind
it was so easy to walk away,
You left so little, and it's so hard,
to give that little I have left to another.
Shinemyrtle
You blew hot and cold,
left me unable to trust me,
and unable to trust another.
It hurt when you went,
and not once did you say
I love you, baby, see you soon.
How could you hurt me so?
You pulled that gun out,
you wanted to kill us all,
and you were so, so drunk.
How can I trust another,
that I won't get hurt again,
that my trust won't be crushed.
How could you hurt me so?
That I had to make up for it
in slowly destroying myself.
I wasn't worth your time,
you laughed at my weaknesses,
but I tried, I really tried,
again and again and again.
How could you hurt me so?
I am still hurting, and trying,
to get your love and attention.
I am a good girl really,
I wish you would see it too.
Instead you turn away, and
pretend you can't see my pain.
How could you hurt me so?
You left me deflated, and
full of hurt and emptiness.
It is so hard to fill the hole
you tore from my body,
when you rejected me again,
and again and again.
How could you hurt me so?
The protector, you were weak,
you did not deserve us.
The confusion you left behind
it was so easy to walk away,
You left so little, and it's so hard,
to give that little I have left to another.
Shinemyrtle
Monday 2 March 2009
Untitled
I'm coming out of the shadows to meet you,
peeling of my layers of protection.
I need you and want you beside me,
to support me so I can bloom.
I want you to be my layers now,
keep me safe from wind and rain,
keep me nourished with your attention.
So I need never starve again.
Shinemyrtle
peeling of my layers of protection.
I need you and want you beside me,
to support me so I can bloom.
I want you to be my layers now,
keep me safe from wind and rain,
keep me nourished with your attention.
So I need never starve again.
Shinemyrtle
Sunday 1 March 2009
Cinderella
Oh, Cinderella,
why did you marry so soon?
Did you in your girlish mind,
think you would be happy forever?
That his money and face
would be enough for you.
Did you think the morning would come
when you woke up thinking,
“oh, what have I done?
Twenty odd years on a man I don't really love.”
Your loyalty is strong,
and you have children, now grown.
He took you away from your hell,
but trapped you in a cage.
You will be together forever,
though you don't love him, he loves you.
So another twenty odd years go by,
and what have you done with your time?
Almost fifty years you have together,
and one year ran into another.
One day much the same as the next,
another year the same as the last.
Now you are old, and looking back,
you know you did the right thing,
but you can't help a regret or two.
He has been good to you,
but oh so boring it was, and now,
now you think of your regrets,
things you wish you had done, if only,
if only you had the courage.
He still has a pretty face, and he still loves you,
he still is prince Charming.
So you take his hand and you walk together,
and the years will continue like this.
You, never free from the cage, safe but protected,
knowing you'll be together forever.
Shinemyrtle
why did you marry so soon?
Did you in your girlish mind,
think you would be happy forever?
That his money and face
would be enough for you.
Did you think the morning would come
when you woke up thinking,
“oh, what have I done?
Twenty odd years on a man I don't really love.”
Your loyalty is strong,
and you have children, now grown.
He took you away from your hell,
but trapped you in a cage.
You will be together forever,
though you don't love him, he loves you.
So another twenty odd years go by,
and what have you done with your time?
Almost fifty years you have together,
and one year ran into another.
One day much the same as the next,
another year the same as the last.
Now you are old, and looking back,
you know you did the right thing,
but you can't help a regret or two.
He has been good to you,
but oh so boring it was, and now,
now you think of your regrets,
things you wish you had done, if only,
if only you had the courage.
He still has a pretty face, and he still loves you,
he still is prince Charming.
So you take his hand and you walk together,
and the years will continue like this.
You, never free from the cage, safe but protected,
knowing you'll be together forever.
Shinemyrtle
Cinderella II
Oh, Cinderella,
the rumours you heard were true.
Could you have said no when he asked you?
Would you have said no even if you knew?
Was the devil you knew better, or are you
happy now?
Shinemyrtle
the rumours you heard were true.
Could you have said no when he asked you?
Would you have said no even if you knew?
Was the devil you knew better, or are you
happy now?
Shinemyrtle
Saturday 28 February 2009
Broken
Inside I'm broken
in a thousand pieces,
fragile and sharp
like shards of glass.
The skin that you see,
is all that holds it in,
worry all the time
when it will give.
All inside is a mess,
thoughts racing
all over the place,
can't concentrate.
The thoughts racing,
make it hard to think,
can't just catch one
to hold on to.
No longer master
of my own emotions,
I crash, falling deep,
deeper each time.
Thinking this time,
there surely is no
way to return back up,
back to enjoy life.
My head a sluggish
mass, of dark thought
of despair and pain,
covers me like hot tar.
Suddenly I soar,
and there is really
no holding me back,
I can do anything.
Shinemyrtle
in a thousand pieces,
fragile and sharp
like shards of glass.
The skin that you see,
is all that holds it in,
worry all the time
when it will give.
All inside is a mess,
thoughts racing
all over the place,
can't concentrate.
The thoughts racing,
make it hard to think,
can't just catch one
to hold on to.
No longer master
of my own emotions,
I crash, falling deep,
deeper each time.
Thinking this time,
there surely is no
way to return back up,
back to enjoy life.
My head a sluggish
mass, of dark thought
of despair and pain,
covers me like hot tar.
Suddenly I soar,
and there is really
no holding me back,
I can do anything.
Shinemyrtle
Friday 27 February 2009
His journeys
He sees things, he hears things,
he goes places, where you can't go.
You can see it in his eyes,
when his journey begins,
but you can never follow him in.
You can see the pain,
you can hear the sorrow,
but you can't reach into the
shadows to comfort him.
He comes back from his travels
less and less often now.
He stays away from our world,
returning only when he gets
to tired to continue.
The night is drawing closer,
he is getting colder,
and he is getting older.
Growing blind and deaf to me,
standing, waiting, calling his name.
Wanting him to return,
he has been gone far too long.
If he does not return soon,
he may be lost forever.
Shinemyrtle
he goes places, where you can't go.
You can see it in his eyes,
when his journey begins,
but you can never follow him in.
You can see the pain,
you can hear the sorrow,
but you can't reach into the
shadows to comfort him.
He comes back from his travels
less and less often now.
He stays away from our world,
returning only when he gets
to tired to continue.
The night is drawing closer,
he is getting colder,
and he is getting older.
Growing blind and deaf to me,
standing, waiting, calling his name.
Wanting him to return,
he has been gone far too long.
If he does not return soon,
he may be lost forever.
Shinemyrtle
Just one wish
If she could have
just one wish
what would it be?
She would not
wish for more money,
or perfect health
nor perfect beauty.
What she would
ask for is so big,
and impossible,
and much more
important.
She would want
just one day,
alone in your company.
Shinemyrtle
just one wish
what would it be?
She would not
wish for more money,
or perfect health
nor perfect beauty.
What she would
ask for is so big,
and impossible,
and much more
important.
She would want
just one day,
alone in your company.
Shinemyrtle
Thursday 26 February 2009
So much hard work
So much hard work,
listening to you cry.
So much hard work,
hearing your despair.
So much hard work,
wanting to walk away.
So much hard work,
knowing that you hurt.
So much hard work,
not being able to mend.
So much hard work,
wanting to fix it all.
So much hard work,
all your demanding.
So much hard work,
keeping up with you.
So much hard work,
to stop me crying too.
So much hard work,
to stop you hurting you.
So much hard work,
to see you self-destruct.
So much hard work,
to know I'm just the same.
Shinemyrtle
listening to you cry.
So much hard work,
hearing your despair.
So much hard work,
wanting to walk away.
So much hard work,
knowing that you hurt.
So much hard work,
not being able to mend.
So much hard work,
wanting to fix it all.
So much hard work,
all your demanding.
So much hard work,
keeping up with you.
So much hard work,
to stop me crying too.
So much hard work,
to stop you hurting you.
So much hard work,
to see you self-destruct.
So much hard work,
to know I'm just the same.
Shinemyrtle
You chose to be my friend
You chose to be my friend,
putting the pieces back together;
glueing them with your love,
and building me back up again.
You are the only one who knows,
every little piece;
you picked every piece, one by one,
and held them so tenderly.
Making sure they went back,
where they were intended to be;
though I will never be the same,
I will still be beautiful, and unique.
I thank the Gods and Goddesses,
everyday for the gift they bestowed;
the night I met you, I did not know,
that my life was about to change so.
Your patience, sweetness and love,
was the glue that could built me;
I am no longer the same as I was,
but I like the new me you helped make.
So baby, know that I love you,
my loyalty and adoration is yours;
I will never betray you,
but be there by your side through all.
Shinemyrtle
putting the pieces back together;
glueing them with your love,
and building me back up again.
You are the only one who knows,
every little piece;
you picked every piece, one by one,
and held them so tenderly.
Making sure they went back,
where they were intended to be;
though I will never be the same,
I will still be beautiful, and unique.
I thank the Gods and Goddesses,
everyday for the gift they bestowed;
the night I met you, I did not know,
that my life was about to change so.
Your patience, sweetness and love,
was the glue that could built me;
I am no longer the same as I was,
but I like the new me you helped make.
So baby, know that I love you,
my loyalty and adoration is yours;
I will never betray you,
but be there by your side through all.
Shinemyrtle
Wednesday 25 February 2009
So tired
She's so tired, just so tired,
she wants to go, let her sleep.
The fun is over, and now
She's alone with the ghosts
in her head again.
An escape is all she wants,
even just for a little while.
Wanting him to take her away,
rescue her away from herself,
the two together finding peace.
Away from here, just be her,
give her a chance to put those
ghosts to rest, and begin again.
Be free, giving herself a chance
to leave the world of others.
She's so tired, just so tired,
she wants no more of this.
Wanting to beg to be allowed,
to leave all this behind,
and start again somewhere new.
Shinemyrtle
she wants to go, let her sleep.
The fun is over, and now
She's alone with the ghosts
in her head again.
An escape is all she wants,
even just for a little while.
Wanting him to take her away,
rescue her away from herself,
the two together finding peace.
Away from here, just be her,
give her a chance to put those
ghosts to rest, and begin again.
Be free, giving herself a chance
to leave the world of others.
She's so tired, just so tired,
she wants no more of this.
Wanting to beg to be allowed,
to leave all this behind,
and start again somewhere new.
Shinemyrtle
Tuesday 24 February 2009
There is a glowing ember
There is a glowing ember,
that will never quite lose it's spark,
the one you wanted to kill,
but never managed to.
There is a glowing ember,
it just keeps me going,
it won't let me let go,
so I'll hang around a little longer.
There is a glowing ember,
it just won't spark into a fire,
it just glows, and glows,
leaving me in between.
There is a glowing ember,
it's not fit for heating anyone,
it just won't die,
and it is just giving a sad little hope.
There is a glowing ember,
holding on to the hope,
the hope that someone will stoke it,
and let it burn with a passion again.
There is a glowing ember,
that stubbornly hangs on,
the one you tried to kill,
it just leaves me in between.
Shinemyrtle
that will never quite lose it's spark,
the one you wanted to kill,
but never managed to.
There is a glowing ember,
it just keeps me going,
it won't let me let go,
so I'll hang around a little longer.
There is a glowing ember,
it just won't spark into a fire,
it just glows, and glows,
leaving me in between.
There is a glowing ember,
it's not fit for heating anyone,
it just won't die,
and it is just giving a sad little hope.
There is a glowing ember,
holding on to the hope,
the hope that someone will stoke it,
and let it burn with a passion again.
There is a glowing ember,
that stubbornly hangs on,
the one you tried to kill,
it just leaves me in between.
Shinemyrtle
Monday 23 February 2009
Do you remember?
Do you remember when we met?
That cold dark new years eve,
I saw you wave at me, I blushed,
I did not know then, you were for me.
Do you remember the night spent
doing nothing but talking and sleeping?
How we accidentally met again, and
how you kissed my best friend.
I knew you were mine forever,
your, eyes, kindness, sense of humour,
all told me so.
We were meant to be.
Do you remember all those dates?
Having cheap burgers, fries and coke.
How I enjoyed your company,
you could always make me laugh.
Do you remember getting frisky,
in the park that time?
Remember just being me and you,
reckless and so very much in love?
Do you remember all those months,
spent miles and miles apart?
How I missed you so every day,
wanting to feel and smell your warmth.
Do you remember those short
but very precious visits.
We could never get enough of
each others company.
Do you remember when I first
moved over here to be with you.
Bet you didn't know I knew
it was my dream come true.
Do you remember all the fun
we had getting to know each other,
and finding our places in
a brand new family.
Do you remember the hard times?
When we would fight, and
we would hurt each other so.
Not knowing what to do.
Do you remember how
we got through all those times?
I just knew I could be with no
one else but you.
A good man, so worth fighting for,
So kind and sweet and pure and
the best lover I ever had.
I knew all along you were my soul mate.
Did you know that I live for you?
My life would be nothing without you.
I hope I can make you happy,
and that we will grow old together.
Shinemyrtle
That cold dark new years eve,
I saw you wave at me, I blushed,
I did not know then, you were for me.
Do you remember the night spent
doing nothing but talking and sleeping?
How we accidentally met again, and
how you kissed my best friend.
I knew you were mine forever,
your, eyes, kindness, sense of humour,
all told me so.
We were meant to be.
Do you remember all those dates?
Having cheap burgers, fries and coke.
How I enjoyed your company,
you could always make me laugh.
Do you remember getting frisky,
in the park that time?
Remember just being me and you,
reckless and so very much in love?
Do you remember all those months,
spent miles and miles apart?
How I missed you so every day,
wanting to feel and smell your warmth.
Do you remember those short
but very precious visits.
We could never get enough of
each others company.
Do you remember when I first
moved over here to be with you.
Bet you didn't know I knew
it was my dream come true.
Do you remember all the fun
we had getting to know each other,
and finding our places in
a brand new family.
Do you remember the hard times?
When we would fight, and
we would hurt each other so.
Not knowing what to do.
Do you remember how
we got through all those times?
I just knew I could be with no
one else but you.
A good man, so worth fighting for,
So kind and sweet and pure and
the best lover I ever had.
I knew all along you were my soul mate.
Did you know that I live for you?
My life would be nothing without you.
I hope I can make you happy,
and that we will grow old together.
Shinemyrtle
Wednesday 18 February 2009
Cold
I'm so cold
so very, very cold,
frozen through the bones.
I'm tired,
tired of being cold,
tired of crying from cold.
The tears I've cried so far
could fill a lake.
Every time I try, I get
overwhelmed by confusion.
The cold has frozen my
brain,
it has frozen
my heart.
I'm only able to see with
my eyes,
and feel with
my hands only,
now my mouth does all
the talking.
The cold is taking you
away from me,
it's taking me
away from me.
I'm an ice sculpture,
scared to melt, in case
there will be nothing left.
Shinemyrtle
so very, very cold,
frozen through the bones.
I'm tired,
tired of being cold,
tired of crying from cold.
The tears I've cried so far
could fill a lake.
Every time I try, I get
overwhelmed by confusion.
The cold has frozen my
brain,
it has frozen
my heart.
I'm only able to see with
my eyes,
and feel with
my hands only,
now my mouth does all
the talking.
The cold is taking you
away from me,
it's taking me
away from me.
I'm an ice sculpture,
scared to melt, in case
there will be nothing left.
Shinemyrtle
Anticipation
The anticipation of your touch,
creeping up on me.
Holding back, nervous,
wanting to taste you.
Thinking about what
is soon to come,
yet is still so far away.
Feel you spread my legs
in my imagination.
Touching my skin,
exploring your body.
The anticipation of your touch,
makes my imagination go wild.
Feeling your fingertips
run up my back, and
your lips on my lips.
Getting close enough
to smell your scent.
Getting close enough
to be one with you.
Shinemyrtle
creeping up on me.
Holding back, nervous,
wanting to taste you.
Thinking about what
is soon to come,
yet is still so far away.
Feel you spread my legs
in my imagination.
Touching my skin,
exploring your body.
The anticipation of your touch,
makes my imagination go wild.
Feeling your fingertips
run up my back, and
your lips on my lips.
Getting close enough
to smell your scent.
Getting close enough
to be one with you.
Shinemyrtle
Thursday 12 February 2009
Little Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood,
got eaten by the wolf.
After she got rescued
by the hunter,
she never wore red again.
She put on a blue hood,
she won't go back,
to her grandma's house.
So Grandma moves into a
home for the elderly.
Just so her little girl will
come and see her.
Sometimes when Little
Red Riding Hood sleeps,
she has nightmares about
the wolf's sharp teeth.
She remember how scary
and squished it was in
the wolf's tummy.
How little air it was she
thought she wouldn't
fill her lungs with cold air
again, choking.
Thinking she'd never
see mum or dad again.
So Little Red Riding Hood,
is no longer Little Red
Riding Hood, she is known
as Jane and wears a blue
hood these days.
got eaten by the wolf.
After she got rescued
by the hunter,
she never wore red again.
She put on a blue hood,
she won't go back,
to her grandma's house.
So Grandma moves into a
home for the elderly.
Just so her little girl will
come and see her.
Sometimes when Little
Red Riding Hood sleeps,
she has nightmares about
the wolf's sharp teeth.
She remember how scary
and squished it was in
the wolf's tummy.
How little air it was she
thought she wouldn't
fill her lungs with cold air
again, choking.
Thinking she'd never
see mum or dad again.
So Little Red Riding Hood,
is no longer Little Red
Riding Hood, she is known
as Jane and wears a blue
hood these days.
Wednesday 11 February 2009
When she sleeps
When she sleeps
Life is good and kind
She has some peace
Free from worries
Free from cares
When she sleeps
She doesn't have
To fight all the ghosts
No need to fight
No need to cry
When she sleeps
She is beautiful
She can let go
Let herself be happy
Let herself rest
When she sleeps
Nothing can hurt her
She can be all alone
No more loneliness
No more drama
When she sleeps
She is free
Shinemyrtle
Life is good and kind
She has some peace
Free from worries
Free from cares
When she sleeps
She doesn't have
To fight all the ghosts
No need to fight
No need to cry
When she sleeps
She is beautiful
She can let go
Let herself be happy
Let herself rest
When she sleeps
Nothing can hurt her
She can be all alone
No more loneliness
No more drama
When she sleeps
She is free
Shinemyrtle
Saturday 7 February 2009
The in between world
Sometimes she wonders
if she really is here, or
is it just her imagination
did she die and go to hell.
She's not sure what
is reality any more,
but she knows
she doesn't care any more.
Sometimes the world is
nothing but colours,
blurred like a bad
pastel drawing.
The people around her
does not feel real, but
she should keep it together
that's what they all want.
Letting go and losing it
would be so tempting,
refuse to join in for now.
To sit and stare,
she is in the in between,
in between life and death,
not wanting to do either.
She doesn't see people,
they are becoming a mass,
she thinks she can see,
then it goes away again.
Nothing feels real,
it's all just lies, and dirt,
rejecting the world.
It's the way she keeps
all her demons away from
all those she normally loves.
She hasn't got what it takes
to love right now, she just
takes, and demands.
She wants it all to go away.
Shinemyrtle
if she really is here, or
is it just her imagination
did she die and go to hell.
She's not sure what
is reality any more,
but she knows
she doesn't care any more.
Sometimes the world is
nothing but colours,
blurred like a bad
pastel drawing.
The people around her
does not feel real, but
she should keep it together
that's what they all want.
Letting go and losing it
would be so tempting,
refuse to join in for now.
To sit and stare,
she is in the in between,
in between life and death,
not wanting to do either.
She doesn't see people,
they are becoming a mass,
she thinks she can see,
then it goes away again.
Nothing feels real,
it's all just lies, and dirt,
rejecting the world.
It's the way she keeps
all her demons away from
all those she normally loves.
She hasn't got what it takes
to love right now, she just
takes, and demands.
She wants it all to go away.
Shinemyrtle
Friday 6 February 2009
Dissappearing
I am shutting down
no business here
don't come around
I won't let you in
Just leave me be
I might be back
but for now
I have nothing
to offer anyone
so just let me be
I should be back
one day
I want to be back
but right now
I am nothing.
Shinemyrtle
no business here
don't come around
I won't let you in
Just leave me be
I might be back
but for now
I have nothing
to offer anyone
so just let me be
I should be back
one day
I want to be back
but right now
I am nothing.
Shinemyrtle
Thursday 5 February 2009
My treasures
My dearest most loved babies,
delivered on angels wings.
First one before Yule time,
then the next around midsummer,
and my littlest baby nearly
became all our valentine.
You were all so different,
you were all so beautiful,
now you are growing up
still different and beautiful.
Such wonderful individuals
you make me proud every day.
You provide me with sunshine,
and warmth, by your mere presence.
I can still remember when you
were little and could not even walk.
Now you are all so, so clever,
and good and kind.
I think the Mother Goddess,
must have been in a good mood,
when she sent your souls down to me.
The little souls that would grow and
be the people you are becoming now.
My darling babies, you are so sweet,
and I love you so.
Shinemyrtle
delivered on angels wings.
First one before Yule time,
then the next around midsummer,
and my littlest baby nearly
became all our valentine.
You were all so different,
you were all so beautiful,
now you are growing up
still different and beautiful.
Such wonderful individuals
you make me proud every day.
You provide me with sunshine,
and warmth, by your mere presence.
I can still remember when you
were little and could not even walk.
Now you are all so, so clever,
and good and kind.
I think the Mother Goddess,
must have been in a good mood,
when she sent your souls down to me.
The little souls that would grow and
be the people you are becoming now.
My darling babies, you are so sweet,
and I love you so.
Shinemyrtle
Wednesday 4 February 2009
She is home
He has the patience of a saint
when the demons are chasing her
though he can never understand
he is with her all the way
holds her hand through it all
he will never let go, she is safe
When she cries in grief for
something he cannot understand
she holds her to make it better
wipes her tears, hugs her tight
So she understands that
he will never let go, she is home
When she does things
without fear, without thinking
he patiently sits by waiting
knowing she will be back
this is where she gets her strength
he will never let go, she is safe
When the days are too painful
and everything seems hard
he brightens her day, takes away
some of the pain, carry it for her
so she can get through the day
he will never let go, she is home
When joy overtakes her, and
everything is good and sweet,
She holds him, makes him know
that she loves him, loves all
he does, and she is thankful that
he will never let go, she is safe
Shinemyrtle
when the demons are chasing her
though he can never understand
he is with her all the way
holds her hand through it all
he will never let go, she is safe
When she cries in grief for
something he cannot understand
she holds her to make it better
wipes her tears, hugs her tight
So she understands that
he will never let go, she is home
When she does things
without fear, without thinking
he patiently sits by waiting
knowing she will be back
this is where she gets her strength
he will never let go, she is safe
When the days are too painful
and everything seems hard
he brightens her day, takes away
some of the pain, carry it for her
so she can get through the day
he will never let go, she is home
When joy overtakes her, and
everything is good and sweet,
She holds him, makes him know
that she loves him, loves all
he does, and she is thankful that
he will never let go, she is safe
Shinemyrtle
Tuesday 3 February 2009
I smile
I smile, when I think of you waking up
I smile, when I see you fall asleep in my mind
I smile, because you bring that extra bounce in my step
I smile, because you're you
I smile, because you chose me
I smile, because you are wonderful
I smile, when I see you in my mind
I smile, because you're you
I smile, between the times you make me laugh
I smile, when I look forward to talking with you again
I smile, because you bring joy to my life
I smile,because you're you
I smile, though you may not be real
I smile, because I don't care
I smile, because I love you
I smile, because you're you
Shinemyrtle
I smile, when I see you fall asleep in my mind
I smile, because you bring that extra bounce in my step
I smile, because you're you
I smile, because you chose me
I smile, because you are wonderful
I smile, when I see you in my mind
I smile, because you're you
I smile, between the times you make me laugh
I smile, when I look forward to talking with you again
I smile, because you bring joy to my life
I smile,because you're you
I smile, though you may not be real
I smile, because I don't care
I smile, because I love you
I smile, because you're you
Shinemyrtle
Monday 2 February 2009
Invisible cage
This protective shell,
like a glass bubble,
is her invisible cage.
The perfect place
to hide yet be visible,
to the world around.
It protects her and
others from herself.
All her secrets are
free inside the bubble,
but kept safe from the
rest of the world.
The secrets are all
coming back to life,
becoming their own
beings, having their
own lives, breathing,
talking growing.
Trapped by her own
creation, by pride,
and by shame.
She needs to escape
if only to breathe,
to let go for a minute.
Shinemyrtle
like a glass bubble,
is her invisible cage.
The perfect place
to hide yet be visible,
to the world around.
It protects her and
others from herself.
All her secrets are
free inside the bubble,
but kept safe from the
rest of the world.
The secrets are all
coming back to life,
becoming their own
beings, having their
own lives, breathing,
talking growing.
Trapped by her own
creation, by pride,
and by shame.
She needs to escape
if only to breathe,
to let go for a minute.
Shinemyrtle
Sunday 1 February 2009
Figment
If she knew how this would be,
she would have put her guard up,
now it's too late and he stole her heart.
She thought he was too old,
she thought he looked all wrong,
he was not her kind at all.
Then she saw a part of his soul,
such a beautiful sight it was,
she was blinded to what she had seen,
She wonders how this can be,
he's surely but a figment of imagination,
she still feels this love for him.
Now her equilibrium is disturbed,
the balance she had fought so hard for,
she knows she is falling, and falling hard.
There will be no one to catch her,
she can't tell anyone, it is all so wrong,
Yet she keeps going back for more.
She knows she would leave all behind,
she would follow him if he asked,
but he won't, he is one of the good guys.
So she knows she has to be thankful,
for the moments that they share,
and take the hurt when it comes.
She is a big girl, she thinks she can take it,
she is playing with fire, she knows it burns,
but she cannot stop now, it is too late.
One day the fantasy will be all gone,
and he will leave her out on the edge,
go back to his own reality, his own life.
He is only there for a while, like a dream,
a pleasant dream, she does not want to wake,
every time she does, she feels this sadness.
A deep never ending sadness, too painful,
yet when he calls, she will be there to answer,
again and again, again and again.
Shinemyrtle
she would have put her guard up,
now it's too late and he stole her heart.
She thought he was too old,
she thought he looked all wrong,
he was not her kind at all.
Then she saw a part of his soul,
such a beautiful sight it was,
she was blinded to what she had seen,
She wonders how this can be,
he's surely but a figment of imagination,
she still feels this love for him.
Now her equilibrium is disturbed,
the balance she had fought so hard for,
she knows she is falling, and falling hard.
There will be no one to catch her,
she can't tell anyone, it is all so wrong,
Yet she keeps going back for more.
She knows she would leave all behind,
she would follow him if he asked,
but he won't, he is one of the good guys.
So she knows she has to be thankful,
for the moments that they share,
and take the hurt when it comes.
She is a big girl, she thinks she can take it,
she is playing with fire, she knows it burns,
but she cannot stop now, it is too late.
One day the fantasy will be all gone,
and he will leave her out on the edge,
go back to his own reality, his own life.
He is only there for a while, like a dream,
a pleasant dream, she does not want to wake,
every time she does, she feels this sadness.
A deep never ending sadness, too painful,
yet when he calls, she will be there to answer,
again and again, again and again.
Shinemyrtle
Saturday 31 January 2009
Soaring
I am soaring high, like an eagle,
where I can be and see it all.
To a place there is not hurt
and there are no limitations.
Here I can see in the hearts and
minds of all and see the truth.
I am soaring high, like a plane,
being invincible, invisible to all.
The feeling is good, though the
time comes when I'm out of fuel.
Then I will dive, crash and burn
I know it, but it matters not.
I am here, I am now, it's all I can do.
I can't cross unbuilt bridges,
or worry about any I burned before.
Enjoying the moment that is here
is the only way I can live, because
later it will be like now never was.
Shinemyrtle
where I can be and see it all.
To a place there is not hurt
and there are no limitations.
Here I can see in the hearts and
minds of all and see the truth.
I am soaring high, like a plane,
being invincible, invisible to all.
The feeling is good, though the
time comes when I'm out of fuel.
Then I will dive, crash and burn
I know it, but it matters not.
I am here, I am now, it's all I can do.
I can't cross unbuilt bridges,
or worry about any I burned before.
Enjoying the moment that is here
is the only way I can live, because
later it will be like now never was.
Shinemyrtle
A life on the border
Standing on the edge
a life on the border
trying not to fall
at least not too far
on either side of
emotional catastrophe
feeling them all so strong
trying to fill up the
emptiness inside
looking closely at
everything
trying so hard to feel
just a little bit
but it's always
everything or nothing
Standing on the edge
a life on the border
always fearing
that you will finally go
that I pushed to far
keep testing your love
needing your reassurance
all the time
watching myself
hating the actions
but unable to stop
trying so hard to feel
just a little bit
but it's always
everything or nothing
Shinemyrtle
a life on the border
trying not to fall
at least not too far
on either side of
emotional catastrophe
feeling them all so strong
trying to fill up the
emptiness inside
looking closely at
everything
trying so hard to feel
just a little bit
but it's always
everything or nothing
Standing on the edge
a life on the border
always fearing
that you will finally go
that I pushed to far
keep testing your love
needing your reassurance
all the time
watching myself
hating the actions
but unable to stop
trying so hard to feel
just a little bit
but it's always
everything or nothing
Shinemyrtle
I am a tempest
I am a tempest
a tempest that can be stilled
but only by the warmth of the sun
a tempest that can be guided
but not led or forced
I am a tempest
turning into a hurricane
are you the sun to still me
before I wreak havoc all around
and destroy all before I disappear
I am a tempest
can you handle it
when you are being thrown about
can you stand up to me
and show me you're not scared
I am a tempest
but in your company I could turn
I could be a cooling breeze
a zephyr to refresh
and breathe life into you
Shinemyrtle
Friday 30 January 2009
Catching life
She is trying to catch up with life,
there is so much she missed.
Now she wants it all back,
she has so much less time now.
All that time wasted, not by choice,
one day it was gone, missing in inaction.
Catching life, like catching butterflies,
she mustn't try too hard,
she'll miss so much on the way,
she'll go blind to all but butterflies.
She will get there in the end,
maybe one day it will come to her.
No coaxing needed, no running,
no traps and no butterfly nets.
Maybe it is prettier as it is,
uncaught, untamed, flying around,
wreck havoc, chaos and destruction,
yet so dazzling in it's glory.
She will never get back,
what was so carelessly wasted.
Having learned her lesson,
she will ignore the butterfly.
Instead she will follow it's lead,
and take time to see where it takes her.
Shinemyrtle
Shinemyrtle naked...
This blog is a place for me to share with others what the world looks like through my eyes. The eyes of a person with Emotionally unstable personality disorder, a disorder that has so far controlled me and not the other way around.
Through this I will write down what is happening to me, and what will hopefully be my road to recovery and a full and happy life. I have the external resources, but have I got it within me to battle it out any longer?
Through this I will write down what is happening to me, and what will hopefully be my road to recovery and a full and happy life. I have the external resources, but have I got it within me to battle it out any longer?
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