Broken

Inside I'm broken
in a thousand pieces,
fragile and sharp
like shards of glass.

The skin that you see,
is all that holds it in,
worry all the time
when it will give.

All inside is a mess,
thoughts racing
all over the place,
can't concentrate.

The thoughts racing,
make it hard to think,
can't just catch one
to hold on to.

No longer master
of my own emotions,
I crash, falling deep,
deeper each time.

Thinking this time,
there surely is no
way to return back up,
back to enjoy life.

My head a sluggish
mass, of dark thought
of despair and pain,
covers me like hot tar.

Suddenly I soar,
and there is really
no holding me back,
I can do anything.


Shinemyrtle

His journeys

He sees things, he hears things,
he goes places, where you can't go.
You can see it in his eyes,
when his journey begins,
but you can never follow him in.
You can see the pain,
you can hear the sorrow,
but you can't reach into the
shadows to comfort him.
He comes back from his travels
less and less often now.
He stays away from our world,
returning only when he gets
to tired to continue.
The night is drawing closer,
he is getting colder,
and he is getting older.
Growing blind and deaf to me,
standing, waiting, calling his name.
Wanting him to return,
he has been gone far too long.
If he does not return soon,
he may be lost forever.

Shinemyrtle

Just one wish

If she could have
just one wish
what would it be?
She would not
wish for more money,
or perfect health
nor perfect beauty.
What she would
ask for is so big,
and impossible,
and much more
important.
She would want
just one day,
alone in your company.

Shinemyrtle

So much hard work

So much hard work,
listening to you cry.
So much hard work,
hearing your despair.
So much hard work,
wanting to walk away.
So much hard work,
knowing that you hurt.
So much hard work,
not being able to mend.
So much hard work,
wanting to fix it all.
So much hard work,
all your demanding.
So much hard work,
keeping up with you.
So much hard work,
to stop me crying too.
So much hard work,
to stop you hurting you.
So much hard work,
to see you self-destruct.
So much hard work,
to know I'm just the same.

Shinemyrtle

You chose to be my friend

You chose to be my friend,
putting the pieces back together;
glueing them with your love,
and building me back up again.

You are the only one who knows,
every little piece;
you picked every piece, one by one,
and held them so tenderly.

Making sure they went back,
where they were intended to be;
though I will never be the same,
I will still be beautiful, and unique.

I thank the Gods and Goddesses,
everyday for the gift they bestowed;
the night I met you, I did not know,
that my life was about to change so.

Your patience, sweetness and love,
was the glue that could built me;
I am no longer the same as I was,
but I like the new me you helped make.

So baby, know that I love you,
my loyalty and adoration is yours;
I will never betray you,
but be there by your side through all.

Shinemyrtle

So tired

She's so tired, just so tired,
she wants to go, let her sleep.
The fun is over, and now
She's alone with the ghosts
in her head again.

An escape is all she wants,
even just for a little while.
Wanting him to take her away,
rescue her away from herself,
the two together finding peace.

Away from here, just be her,
give her a chance to put those
ghosts to rest, and begin again.
Be free, giving herself a chance
to leave the world of others.

She's so tired, just so tired,
she wants no more of this.
Wanting to beg to be allowed,
to leave all this behind,
and start again somewhere new.

Shinemyrtle

There is a glowing ember

There is a glowing ember,
that will never quite lose it's spark,
the one you wanted to kill,
but never managed to.

There is a glowing ember,
it just keeps me going,
it won't let me let go,
so I'll hang around a little longer.

There is a glowing ember,
it just won't spark into a fire,
it just glows, and glows,
leaving me in between.

There is a glowing ember,
it's not fit for heating anyone,
it just won't die,
and it is just giving a sad little hope.

There is a glowing ember,
holding on to the hope,
the hope that someone will stoke it,
and let it burn with a passion again.

There is a glowing ember,
that stubbornly hangs on,
the one you tried to kill,
it just leaves me in between.

Shinemyrtle

Do you remember?

Do you remember when we met?
That cold dark new years eve,
I saw you wave at me, I blushed,
I did not know then, you were for me.

Do you remember the night spent
doing nothing but talking and sleeping?
How we accidentally met again, and
how you kissed my best friend.

I knew you were mine forever,
your, eyes, kindness, sense of humour,
all told me so.
We were meant to be.

Do you remember all those dates?
Having cheap burgers, fries and coke.
How I enjoyed your company,
you could always make me laugh.

Do you remember getting frisky,
in the park that time?
Remember just being me and you,
reckless and so very much in love?

Do you remember all those months,
spent miles and miles apart?
How I missed you so every day,
wanting to feel and smell your warmth.

Do you remember those short
but very precious visits.
We could never get enough of
each others company.

Do you remember when I first
moved over here to be with you.
Bet you didn't know I knew
it was my dream come true.

Do you remember all the fun
we had getting to know each other,
and finding our places in
a brand new family.

Do you remember the hard times?
When we would fight, and
we would hurt each other so.
Not knowing what to do.

Do you remember how
we got through all those times?
I just knew I could be with no
one else but you.

A good man, so worth fighting for,
So kind and sweet and pure and
the best lover I ever had.
I knew all along you were my soul mate.

Did you know that I live for you?
My life would be nothing without you.
I hope I can make you happy,
and that we will grow old together.

Shinemyrtle

Cold

I'm so cold
so very, very cold,
frozen through the bones.
I'm tired,
tired of being cold,
tired of crying from cold.
The tears I've cried so far
could fill a lake.
Every time I try, I get
overwhelmed by confusion.
The cold has frozen my
brain,
it has frozen
my heart.
I'm only able to see with
my eyes,
and feel with
my hands only,
now my mouth does all
the talking.
The cold is taking you
away from me,
it's taking me
away from me.
I'm an ice sculpture,
scared to melt, in case
there will be nothing left.

Shinemyrtle

Anticipation

The anticipation of your touch,
creeping up on me.
Holding back, nervous,
wanting to taste you.
Thinking about what
is soon to come,
yet is still so far away.
Feel you spread my legs
in my imagination.
Touching my skin,
exploring your body.
The anticipation of your touch,
makes my imagination go wild.
Feeling your fingertips
run up my back, and
your lips on my lips.
Getting close enough
to smell your scent.
Getting close enough
to be one with you.

Shinemyrtle

Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood,
got eaten by the wolf.
After she got rescued
by the hunter,
she never wore red again.
She put on a blue hood,
she won't go back,
to her grandma's house.
So Grandma moves into a
home for the elderly.
Just so her little girl will
come and see her.
Sometimes when Little
Red Riding Hood sleeps,
she has nightmares about
the wolf's sharp teeth.
She remember how scary
and squished it was in
the wolf's tummy.
How little air it was she
thought she wouldn't
fill her lungs with cold air
again, choking.
Thinking she'd never
see mum or dad again.
So Little Red Riding Hood,
is no longer Little Red
Riding Hood, she is known
as Jane and wears a blue
hood these days.

When she sleeps

When she sleeps
Life is good and kind
She has some peace
Free from worries
Free from cares

When she sleeps
She doesn't have
To fight all the ghosts
No need to fight
No need to cry

When she sleeps
She is beautiful
She can let go
Let herself be happy
Let herself rest

When she sleeps
Nothing can hurt her
She can be all alone
No more loneliness
No more drama

When she sleeps
She is free

Shinemyrtle

The in between world

Sometimes she wonders
if she really is here, or
is it just her imagination
did she die and go to hell.
She's not sure what
is reality any more,
but she knows
she doesn't care any more.

Sometimes the world is
nothing but colours,
blurred like a bad
pastel drawing.
The people around her
does not feel real, but
she should keep it together
that's what they all want.

Letting go and losing it
would be so tempting,
refuse to join in for now.
To sit and stare,
she is in the in between,
in between life and death,
not wanting to do either.

She doesn't see people,
they are becoming a mass,
she thinks she can see,
then it goes away again.
Nothing feels real,
it's all just lies, and dirt,
rejecting the world.

It's the way she keeps
all her demons away from
all those she normally loves.
She hasn't got what it takes
to love right now, she just
takes, and demands.
She wants it all to go away.

Shinemyrtle

Dissappearing

I am shutting down
no business here
don't come around
I won't let you in
Just leave me be
I might be back
but for now
I have nothing
to offer anyone
so just let me be
I should be back
one day
I want to be back
but right now
I am nothing.

Shinemyrtle

My treasures

My dearest most loved babies,
delivered on angels wings.
First one before Yule time,
then the next around midsummer,
and my littlest baby nearly
became all our valentine.

You were all so different,
you were all so beautiful,
now you are growing up
still different and beautiful.
Such wonderful individuals
you make me proud every day.

You provide me with sunshine,
and warmth, by your mere presence.
I can still remember when you
were little and could not even walk.
Now you are all so, so clever,
and good and kind.

I think the Mother Goddess,
must have been in a good mood,
when she sent your souls down to me.
The little souls that would grow and
be the people you are becoming now.
My darling babies, you are so sweet,
and I love you so.

Shinemyrtle

She is home

He has the patience of a saint
when the demons are chasing her
though he can never understand
he is with her all the way
holds her hand through it all
he will never let go, she is safe

When she cries in grief for
something he cannot understand
she holds her to make it better
wipes her tears, hugs her tight
So she understands that
he will never let go, she is home

When she does things
without fear, without thinking
he patiently sits by waiting
knowing she will be back
this is where she gets her strength
he will never let go, she is safe

When the days are too painful
and everything seems hard
he brightens her day, takes away
some of the pain, carry it for her
so she can get through the day
he will never let go, she is home

When joy overtakes her, and
everything is good and sweet,
She holds him, makes him know
that she loves him, loves all
he does, and she is thankful that
he will never let go, she is safe


Shinemyrtle

I smile

I smile, when I think of you waking up
I smile, when I see you fall asleep in my mind
I smile, because you bring that extra bounce in my step
I smile, because you're you

I smile, because you chose me
I smile, because you are wonderful
I smile, when I see you in my mind
I smile, because you're you

I smile, between the times you make me laugh
I smile, when I look forward to talking with you again
I smile, because you bring joy to my life
I smile,because you're you

I smile, though you may not be real
I smile, because I don't care
I smile, because I love you
I smile, because you're you

Shinemyrtle

Invisible cage

This protective shell,
like a glass bubble,
is her invisible cage.
The perfect place
to hide yet be visible,
to the world around.

It protects her and
others from herself.
All her secrets are
free inside the bubble,
but kept safe from the
rest of the world.

The secrets are all
coming back to life,
becoming their own
beings, having their
own lives, breathing,
talking growing.

Trapped by her own
creation, by pride,
and by shame.
She needs to escape
if only to breathe,
to let go for a minute.


Shinemyrtle

Figment

If she knew how this would be,
she would have put her guard up,
now it's too late and he stole her heart.
She thought he was too old,
she thought he looked all wrong,
he was not her kind at all.

Then she saw a part of his soul,
such a beautiful sight it was,
she was blinded to what she had seen,
She wonders how this can be,
he's surely but a figment of imagination,
she still feels this love for him.

Now her equilibrium is disturbed,
the balance she had fought so hard for,
she knows she is falling, and falling hard.
There will be no one to catch her,
she can't tell anyone, it is all so wrong,
Yet she keeps going back for more.

She knows she would leave all behind,
she would follow him if he asked,
but he won't, he is one of the good guys.
So she knows she has to be thankful,
for the moments that they share,
and take the hurt when it comes.

She is a big girl, she thinks she can take it,
she is playing with fire, she knows it burns,
but she cannot stop now, it is too late.
One day the fantasy will be all gone,
and he will leave her out on the edge,
go back to his own reality, his own life.

He is only there for a while, like a dream,
a pleasant dream, she does not want to wake,
every time she does, she feels this sadness.
A deep never ending sadness, too painful,
yet when he calls, she will be there to answer,
again and again, again and again.

Shinemyrtle